Dreams That We Carry
by BlueMoonFan
Summary: Nick leaves to join the FBI. Catherine gets pregnant and she doesn't know how to tell him about the baby. Story is better than the summary....
1. Chapter 1

Nick stood in the doorway of Catherine's house. She had tears in her eyes as she prepared to say goodbye to the man she'd loved for the last twelve years. Nick smiled sadly and said, "I don't want to leave Cath. If only..."

Catherine silenced him with a desperate kiss. Even though she didn't want him to leave, she knew that she couldn't ask him to stay. From the day they'd first met, she known that he was destined for bigger things.

Six months ago, the chance of a lifetime was presented to him. The chance to join the FBI. He'd asked her to come along with him. To join him on the east coast, but even as he'd asked, he'd known that her answer would be no. Her entire life was here. She was a Vegas girl born and bred. So, that's what led them to this sad goodbye. A night that would change both of their lives forever.

They made love one last wonderful time. Neither one thought about using protection. Honestly, neither one cared. The only thing that mattered was the bone crushing sadness that filled every ounce of their souls.

When Catherine woke up that morning. Nicky was gone....

***Fast Forward Five Months***

Nick and Catherine talked on the phone nearly every day. Everytime she hung up the phone she'd cry. He sounded so incredibly happy. Tonight was no exception. She hung up the phone and put her hand on her ever growing stomach. She cried harder when the baby she carried, gave her a kick.

Nicky didn't know about their baby. At first, she'd been too shocked to say anything. Then, she'd realized that if she did tell him, he would do the typical Nicky thing. He'd rush to be by her side. He'd give up all of his hopes and dreams to be with them. She couldn't ask him to do that. So, she kept silent about their baby.

Everyone in the lab knew the truth. They'd seen the pain etched on her face from the moment Nick had left. For weeks, no one dared utter a word about Nick around her. It would cause her to dissolve into tears. When she'd found out she was pregnant, she felt as if fate was playing some terrible trick on her. For a brief moment, she considered having and abortion. In fact, she'd went so far as the call her doctor and make an appointment.

***Flashback***

Catherine had been convinced that she was going through menopause. That's why she'd called her doctor and made the appointment.

The doctor smiled and said, "Let's do a blood test. Just to rule out anything else."

Catherine had nodded and gladly given the requested blood. She'd went home and a few days later, she'd gotten the call that had changed her life.

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Willows? This is Doctor Logan. Do you have a moment?"

Catherine was thinking a thousand thought. All of them worse than the last. Finally she said, "Just tell me doctor. Is something wrong with me?"

"Well. The blood tests all came back normal. Except for one. It seems that you're pregnant Mrs. Willows."

To say that Catherine was shocked would be the understatement of the year. She whispered softly, "Pregnant? I can't be pregnant. There must be some mistake. I'm too old and.."

"I take it that this wasn't planned?"

"Hardly. I can't be pregnant. I can't have a baby. I.."

"Well, Mrs. Willows, there are other options. I'd like you to come into my office tomorrow morning."

Catherine simply nodded and said, "Okay."

She hung up the phone and cried.

The following morning was a blur. She barely remembered driving to the doctors office. She was seated and when the doctor came into the room she blurted out, "I want an abortion."

"I can definitely understand. We need to do a sonogram first to determine how far along you are. Since you said that your cycles were unregular. "

Catherine nodded and laid down on the table. The doctor pulled out the sonogram machine and prepared it. Although she told herself not to look, she caught a brief glimpse of the baby. She gasped at the tiny image on the screen. She knew at that instant that she couldn't go through with it. Regardless of her circumstances. This baby was a part of her and a part of Nicky.

She whispered softly, "I can't do it. I can't have an abortion. I..." She started crying softly. Horrified at what she'd been thinking. At what she'd nearly done.

The doctor smiled and said, "I understand." Then he smiled and said, "I'll let you get dressed and then we can go into my office."

So, she'd swallowed hard and walked into work one evening and announced her pregnancy. She'd also made the bold statement that, yes, Nicky was the father and, no they weren't together any longer. So, she'd appreciate it if they all kept quiet about the baby.

***Flashback Ends***

She knew that she should tell him. She wanted to tell him, but she didn't want to force him to give up his dreams.....

Should I continue? Reviews are love and much appreciated....


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N- Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I wasn't sure how well this story would be received. Thanks again!_**

Catherine came home from her latest doctors visit and sighed. She plopped down on the couch and covered her eyes with her arm. She hadn't been prepared for the news that the doctor gave her. Starting today, she was on complete bed rest. She'd started bleeding a bit and the doctor was worried about her losing the baby. So, for the next month, she was on complete bed rest. The only time she was allowed out of bed, was to go to the bathroom and get a bite to eat.

After finding out the news, Lindsay looked at her mom with her hands on her hips and said, "You really need to tell him mom!"

Catherine looked at her now eighteen year old daughter and wondered when she'd grown into a young lady. They seemed to be able to talk more, but somehow, lately, they'd fought more than they had in a few years.

"Don't start with me Linds. I'm really not in the mood."

"Mom! You need someone to help you. I'm going away to college next week. They guys at the lab aren't going to be able to come over here all the time."

"I'm going to hire a nurse to come in and help me Linds. You don't have to worry about me."

"That's so stupid mom! I'm sorry, but Nicky deserves to know about Peanut! Plus, if anything were to happen to you! I'd..."

Catherine knew that he daughter was right to be concerned. She also knew that she couldn't call Nicky. She stood up to go to the bathroom and was suddenly overcome by a dizzy spell. She reached for the couch, but failed miserably. Instead, her head struck the coffee table.

Lindsay watched in horror, unable to get to her in time. She watched as her mom fell to the floor. She rushed over to her and turned her over. Catherine had a terrible gash on her head. She was also knocked out cold. Lindsay picked up her cell phone and called 911. She held her mom until she heard the paramedics at the door. She ran to open it and watched as they loaded her mom onto the stretcher.

After finding out what hospital they were taking her to. She grabbed her purse and headed out the door. However, on her way out, she grabbed her mom's cell looked at it for a few seconds before opening it and hitting the speed dial. She whispered, "Forgive me mom. It's best for everyone. Nicky needs to be here and he needs to know about the baby. Peanut needs to know it's father."

**Fade to the hospital**

Catherine awoke with a terrible pain in her head. She opened her eyes a bit. After struggling a bit, she tried to sit up. She heard a familiar voice and turned her head towards the window. Surely she was dreaming. She had to be dreaming. Nicky was standing near the window. He had his left hand in his pocket and was talking on his cell phone. She couldn't make out the words, but she could sense that he was upset.

She tried sitting up straighter and a moan escaped her. She watched as Nicky turned around. His face was unreadable. Not a good sign. She fell back on the bed and closed her eyes.

"You fell and hit your head."

"What are you doing here?"

"Lindsay called me. She said that you needed me. That you fell and hit your head. She also told me that you had something you needed to tell me."

"I'm going to kill her."

"Why? Because she did what you should have done? Were you ever going to tell me that you're pregnant? Whose baby is it Catherine?"

Catherine blinked hard and said, "I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell you a thousand times. I didn't want you to give up your dream of joining the FBI."

"So instead of leaving the choice up to me, you decided that you were going to shut me out? Keep me out of my child's life! How could you do that Catherine?"

"I..."

"I couldn't believe it when I walked in here and saw you laying there. In that hospital bed. Then I saw your baby bump. At first I thought that I was wrong or that it was another mans baby."

Catherine shook her head and whispered, "No Nicky. I haven't been with anyone else since you left. You have to believe me."

Nick looked at her and said, "I do. Do you know how shocked I was when I saw that you were pregnant? It floored me."

Catherine closed her eyes and whispered, "I'm sorry Nicky. I..."

Nick couldn't stand to hear anymore. He turned around and walked out of the hospital room. Leaving Catherine crying in the hospital bed. Had she ruined everything? Would Nick ever forgive her? She suddenly had a huge headache. However, that was nothing compared to the hole in her heart. A hole that seemed like it could never be filled. No matter how much she tried....


	3. Chapter 3

She wasn't sure how much time passed between the time that she stopped crying and when she heard the door open. All she did know, was that it was dark and her stomach was protesting the lack of food. She watched as the nurse placed a tray of food in front of her and said, "Eat. It's good for the baby."

Catherine nodded and picked up her fork and wordlessly picked at her food. She ate a few bites and pushed the plate aside. She laid her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes. She heard the door open and didn't bother to open her eyes this time.

"Hey mom."

Catherine took a deep breath and said, "I'm really mad at you Lindsay Marie."

"Ouch. You really must be. You never use my middle name."

"Why did you call Nick? I told you that I didn't want him here."

"I know that you didn't want him mom, but you need him. Peanut needs him."

Catherine sighed and said, "I just wish..."

"Well, wishing wasn't going to get him here mom. I know you're mad at me, but honestly, he loves you. You should've heard him when I told him that you'd fallen and hit your head. He sound genuinely concerned. He..."

That's when they heard, "I was concerned. I still am."

They turned around and Catherine whispered, "You came back?"

"Of course I did. We need to talk."

Lindsay looked at them and whispered, "I'm going to go down to the gift shop. I saw something that I wanted to get for Peanut."

Nick looked at her and asked, "Peanut?"

Instead of answering, Lindsay simply threw her hands up in the air and said, "I'll let mom explain."

Nick looks at Catherine after Lindsay leaves and asks, "Peanut?"

Catherine took a deep breath and whispered, "I don't know if the baby is a boy or a girl. So, she calls the baby Peanut."

Nick nodded and said, "I see."

She looks at him and sees the hurt in his eyes. She knows that she is the reason for the pain in his eyes. It hurt her to look at him and know that she was the cause of his pain. She didn't know what to say. She knew now that there was nothing she could say. Nothing that would sound like it wasn't some sort of giant cop out. She turned her head away from him, closed her eyes and let the tears fall down her cheeks.

Nick knew that he should say something, but was at a loss as to what to say. He was still incredibly hurt by the fact that she'd kept the baby a secret for so long. So, he pulled up the chair and sat by her bed. He reached out and took her hand. He felt her give his hand a squeeze and whispered, "I'm so sorry. If I could go back and..."

She dissolved into fresh tears and tried to pull her hand away from Nick's. She didn't know how he could stand to be in the same room, let alone hold her hand. However, Nick held on tight to her hand and whispered, "Don't Cath. I love you."

She looked at him and whispered, "How can you love me? What I did..."

Nick sighed and whispered, "I do. We can't go back and change the past."

Catherine shook her head and said, "I just didn't want you to give up your dream. I know how long you'd wanted this. It was all you could talk about sometimes. I couldn't be the one to destroy that."

"Dreams can change Catherine. I was going to surprise you."

"How?"

"Well, I get the choice of assignments. I applied for a position at the Las Vegas Field Office. I found out last week that they'd accepted my application. I'm set to move out here next month."

Catherine could only stare at him. She swallowed hard and said, "You're kidding."

Nick shook his head and said, "Not at all. I could barely hold it inside. Now I have even more to look forward to. I want us to be a family Cath."

Catherine nodded and said, "I'd love nothing more."

They looked at each other for a few seconds. The spell was broken when Catherine whispered, "Ohhhhh."

"Are you okay?"

Catherine simply nodded and said, "The baby moved."

Catherine took Nick's hand and placed it on her stomach. His eyes widened as he felt their baby move for the first time. He looked at her and she noticed the tears in his eyes. She looked at him with tears in her eyes. There were no words spoken. None were necessary. Nick's hand stayed on her stomach until the baby finally stopped moving. He swallowed hard and whispered, "Thank you Cath."

Catherine looked at him and whispered, "I should've called you when I found out about the baby. A part of me was scared. Scared that you wouldn't want us."

Nick looked at her and whispered, "Never. I love you more than life itself. You have to believe me Cath."

Catherine nodded and smiled. She knew that he was telling the truth. The look in his eyes was one of love. She smiled and said something that would change everything.. It was something that even Lindsay didn't know. Something incredibly special....


	4. Chapter 4

Taking a deep breathe she whispered, "I went to the doctor's office. Right before I fell and hit my head. He gave me some good news. Well, at least I think it's good news."

Nick smiled and said, "What did he say?"

Smiling she whispered, ""Well, it seems that I'm not just having a Peanut."

"What?"

"I'm having Peanuts."

Nick looked at her and suddenly, the realization hit him. He whispered softly, "Twins?"

She nodded slowly and watched as a smile lit up his face, "It seems that one was hiding behind the other. They are identical. I even found out their sex."

"You did? I would've thought you'd want to be surprised."

She laughed and said, "I hate surprises, but it's fun watching Lindsay call it Peanut. I might keep her in the dark for awhile."

Nick laughed and said, "So, what are we having?"

Catherine smiled and said, "The doctor said that we are having two little boys."

"Boys? Is he sure?"

Catherine nodded and said, "He's positive."

Catherine watched as Nick srood up and kissed her softly on the lips. He sat on the bed and whispered, "I love you Catherine Willows." He got up and walked to the coat that he'd thrown on the chair in the room. He fished around in the pocket and pulled out a small box. He walked over to her and knelt down. He whispered softly, "Will you marry me?"

Catherine felt the tears fill her eyes. She dreamed of this moment for so long. She nodded and whispered, "Yes."

They had to laugh when they heard, "Yes!!"

Catherine looked up and said, "I take it you approve?"

Lindsay laughed and said, "Duh!! I think it's awesome!!"

Smiling, Catherine said, "Then your really going to think this is awesome. I found out that I'm having twins."

"No way! Your kidding?!! Two Peanuts?! What are they?"

"Babies! I'm not kidding."

"I know that they are babies mother! Boys or girls."

"Yes!"

"Which is it? Boys or girls? Or one of each?"

"No."

"Are you going to tell me if I'm gonna have a brother or sister or two of each!"

Catherine and Nick laughed and finally said, "Boys."

"Boys? Cool."

"You're happy?"

Lindsay nodded and said, "Sure. I'm still the only girl in the family. That's pretty cool."

Nick smiled and watched as Lindsay leaned down to hug Catherine. Then she did something that she'd never done before. She stood up and hugged him. Nick was speechless as Lindsay walked out of the room. She was going back downstairs to buy something for the twins.

Nick smiled and said, "I think she's happy."

"You think?"

Before they could say anything else, the were interrupted when Grissom and Sara walked into the hospital room. Sara looked at Nick and said, "You're back!!"

Nick smiled and said, "Yep. I'm moving back next month."

Grissom looked from Catherine to Nick and back again. He smiled and said, "I guess he knows about the baby."

Catherine smiled and said, "Yeah. He also knows that I'm having twins."

Sara smiled brightly and said, "Twins!!?"

Grissom laughed and said, "Congratulations!!"

Catherine and Nick smiled and said, "Thanks!"

Catherine looked at Nick and said, "I'm going to have to tell Ecklie that I'm starting my leave tonight."

Sara smiled and said, "I'll handle that for you."

Catherine looked at Sara and said, "I'd heard that you were coming back. I never thought Ecklie would want you back."

"Stranger things have happened."

They talked for a few more minutes. Catherine yawned and said, "I'm exhausted."

Sara and Grissom smiled and Sara said, "I'll call you tomorrow. I wanted to talk to you about something."

Catherine nodded and said, "I'll call you when I leave here."

Catherine and Nick watched as Sara and Grissom left the room. Catherine laid her head back and smiled as she drifted off to sleep.....


End file.
